Sometimes I have theses days, days where I feel like and think that maybe I’m wrong, maybe the Doctors are wrong, the Occupational Therapists are wrong and every specialist I have taken my boys to are wrong. Maybe it really is all in my head, BB and LB do not have Sensory Processing Disorder, PDDNOS, ADHD, Anxiety or anything else. It is all in my head some weird cry for help or something to think my son’s aren’t neuro-typical.
Sometimes I have these days where life seems so “NORMAL” so even keel, if even for just a split second. I actually talk my self into thinking its all a mistake a misdiagnoses, a wrong point of view. Then reality hits, the wishful thinking dissipates and the truth is staring me in the face. Rather most often its screaming in my face making nasty little twisted faces and sticking it’s tongue out saying things like “I’m gonna rip your head off you stupid penis face butt head”. And yes I know that “typical’ kids call names, make faces, have major melt downs and have general naughty sinful behavior, it is human nature after all. And it is easy to make myself believe its really me with the issue, especially when most people around me either dont believe me or just dont understand. It’s when I take a step back and realize what all the pieces put together that make up the bigger picture really mean, what they really spell out. Be it HFA(high functioning autism) like PDDNOS or AS, be it Anxiety and ADHD , be it SPD or all of them in one. Really it doesn’t matter. Truthfully and honestly it doesnt matter. Because what REALLY MATTERS is that God has given DH and I these three beautiful, wonderful, smart, funny, awkward, frustrating, confusing and amazing children. BB and LB were made the way they are with their short comings and strengths just like LS was. They are all different and unique and really I wouldn’t change a thing. I want the same things for my “non typical” boys as i do for my “neuro-typical” daughter. I want them to grow up knowing they are loved, seeing Godly and biblical parenting and marriage lived out in front of them. I want them to love the Lord and serve him in each unique way and with every talent he has given them. I want to see them go to college if thats what He has for each of them, see them get married raise families and be HAPPY. I want to be the best Mom I can be to raise them to the best of my ability with God and my husband. Whatever the official diagnoses is or isn’t whatever poeple choose to belive or not believe about my childrena nd their behavior. I want to know and learn how to help them be the best them they can be and prepare them to live in the world in which we live and enjoy it. So on the days I am in denial or the days i’m the polar opposite and wallowing in the “my kids have issues” pitty party swamp, I guess I need a slap or pinch or something. Because really we all have issues, not one of us is “NORMAL” everyone has faults and we ALL FALL SHORT. So today is just “One of those days”. And you know what? I am going to log of this silly computer, hug my kids, sit down to our yummy dinner and enjoy my crazy beautiful life. Later I will brush their teeth, get them in their PJ’s, read upteen bedtime stories, gove a zillion night noight kisses and hugs, sing the good night song and turn out the lights. I’ll get my own self in bed and prepare to do it all over again tomorrow. And hopefully by the grace of God it’ll be another one of “those days” again.