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Updates and I hate math

15 May

Well bloggosphere it has been a long time. And let me tell you it has been a wild ride the past couple months. Im about to get really real here and i know this blog is public but i do not care at the moment. I started school April 2nd and march 16th I found out that DH cheated on me with his best friends 19 year old sister, a week after that he said he considered me and our marriage a technicality and was going to file for divorce and that it was only a matter of time before he had the money to file. Since that time ive fallen into a real deep depression my bi-polar has been cycling from manic to depressed a lot I even had a period of time where i did not sleep for over 30 hours, whjich is common for a manic or hypo manic state. Managing school and kids and this situation ive found myself in has been almost too much to bear at times.( interjection  I do not want to say its all DH’s fault I have my own role in our failure as a couple too but i still very much love him and want to work things out even still while hes running around with this naieve teenager.) My mind has gotten really dark at times and I have often thought of suicide these past few weeks, I dont actually plan on it but believe me ive had thoughts. I am seeing a councelor and have an appt tomorrow to work out getting in to get my meds adjusted so dont fear I will be ok. I have been blessed with an awesome Mom amnd Aunt and Sister and church family who have rallied around me and really been there as much as they can. But really when it comes down to it theres not a lot others can do for me its my fight and God alone can only hold me up for real. Pray for me that I can get my meds straightened out and that I can still get all my school stuff worked on while trying to be the best mom I can be. I had to put LB and LS in part time day care while im at school for the first time in their lives and it breaks my heart. Although I couldnt ask for a better day care for them to be at. It is owned and opperated by a great christian couple that I know very well bc thats the day care I went to when my mom was a single mom. They have done nothing but love on me and my kids since we walked in their door and I am so greatful. I better end this post bc Im a bit behind on my math homework right now and marth is my worst subject I HATE MATH. But by Gods grace I got a B on my last test, I can only attribute that success to him. well Ill leave you all with that. Until next time

MamaC

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Posted by on May 15, 2012 in Uncategorized

 

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