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Air Conditioners and More Ranting So Please Pardon Me….

23 May

A few weeks ago we had a heat wave, like in the 90s almost. I found an AC on craigs list for $75  and bought it without stupidly finding out its measurements and measuring my living room window. Today however I used my tape measure (which I got for Mothers Day thanks to my Aunt M) to measure my bedroom window and the AC and found out that it WILL FIT! Only problem? I dont have a drill to install the bracket shelf to hold it in the window or can I lug the almost 100lb AC up my stairs by myself let alone into the window. I mistakenly asked DH if he would do it for me bc i thought hey why not? its not just for me its for the kids too when the real heat comes. DH’s response? “cant ou find someone else to do it?” REALLY BUDDY REALLY?!? Youve gotta be effing kidding me! I bet if his little 19 year old whore asked him to do it for her hed be there drill in hand all ready to install that AC. Im so mad! And truthfully its not even about the AC anymore its about this whole situation with DH and the 19 yr old and the fact hes calling me a technicality and we are still married. The fact that i feel like my heard has been crushed pieced back together with duct tape then put in a blender on high hasnt stopped. And I dont know if its going to. I say a lot of mean things to DH about what I think about him  and his little gf, which i know makes it worse and not better. But im SO ANGRY. My church fam says “Cry out to God” but im so broken Im not even in a place where Im praying much lately, although im  blaring christian music like crazy but im not sure how much its helping my attitude. Theres this one song by Tenth Avenue North called Losing that i play over and over bc its where my heart is right now its lyrics say “oh father give me grace to forgive them, because i feel like the one losing” and thats exactly how i feel right now. Like im losing an uphill battle, losing the man I love losing our family and theres nothing I can do to stop it. Because God gave us all free will and right now DH’s free will is choosing some naieve 19 year old girl who thinks its ok to be with a MARRIED man with three  children over his family. Im going to end my rant here Im sure you guys dont really want to hear this stuff. I’m supposed to be the Christian the one who says encouraging and uplifting things when we are all struggling with our special needs kids not the one in need of help. But right now this is where I am and Im chosing to be transparent about it. So take me or leave me thats where I am right now.

MammaC

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One response to “Air Conditioners and More Ranting So Please Pardon Me….

  1. Jennifer

    May 29, 2012 at 11:37 pm

    Sending you love and lots of prayers. I am so sorry for the yucky situation. Much love my friend.

     

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