Wow…been forever, AGAIN. Life has been BUSY and CRAZY. As per our usual level of constant chaos in the M household. Few things… BB spent two visits this year in an inpatient setting for med management.Not what one wants for their 8/9 year old. First stay was “short” 17 days, second stay was 7 WEEKS. He just came home July 3rd. And since then I’d love to report that he’s been great, meds are stable he’s stable and successful, Yada Yada. But I can’t. It’s a wreck here. We have daily love g tantrums(like usual) but now they more often than before end in broken something, smashed something, house torn up and me wearing spit that’s not mine and sometimes a few bruises (again on ME, not the kiddo to be clear) yesterday I caught LS’s toy baby doll stroller in the face as it was hurled down the stairs, and then moments later caught a stuffed pug dog in the eye. All bc he couldn’t go swimming RIGHT NOW. We’ve got level 4 or level D services (label depends on the state you live in, Oregon is currently going from numbers to letters, I hear Washington state uses letters) anyways level 4/D is the highest level of in home services a kid can get before basically being institutionalized. We get services through CCS (Catholic Community Services) which means we have a team of a Psychiatrist,masters level therapist,BA level skills trainers and a family partner/advocate. Also as part of that we have team meetings led by our assigned care coordinator who works for BBs mental health insurance and includes our CCS team, me, DH, BB’s teacher, principal, school psychologist and whoever else we need. Meetings are typically once a month or as needed but alway at least once a month. Lately we have 2 or 3 bc well… things aren’t stable. We are actually praying about and looking into BRS Therapeutic Foster Care. Which is a VOLUNTARY placement and also a tool,not forever, just like in patient programs. Which was actually the discharge reccomendation from the psychiatrist at Kerr where BB was at. They reccomended discharge to residential treatment for 3-4 months not to home. We took him home, not willingly at first. We wanted to follow the dr rec bc we trust this dr and he happens to also be our psych for BB at CCS, he happens to work at both places. Our lovely insurance and the residential placement gave us the run around that by the time they had a bed the insurance decided he no longer met medical necessity to stay THREE more days at subacute while waiting for a bed at the residential placement. So, we brought him home. And it went back to same old same old, fast. We are constantly praying and changing our game plan trying to do what’s truly best for BB and also at the same time for LS and LB which sometimes is hard. You never want to have to feel like your sacrificing one kid to save the others. But that’s how I feel. I need to do what’s best for BB and we’ve tried EVERYTHING we can at home. But at what cost? How much is too much? When is enough, enough? How many broken toys, distroyed art projects, bruises and verbal assaults do LS and LB and everyone else have to endure? I have to keep them safe too, I’m their mom TOO. Ugh
This is not for th faint of heart folks. And I’m not sure what I did to make God think I’m strong of heart or if it’s just the fact that my mom said “I hope you have a kid just like you!” To me one too many times as a child. Who knows. Still we are doing all we can to keep all our kids safe and keep our family together, even if that means BB has to live outside our home for a while, it’s all in the name of getting him help so we can live together again. Ok now for the second part. My sweet Grandma Zita, aka Oma, my Dad’s mom, is 97. Yup, you heard me right, born in 1917 in Heidelberg, Germany. She fell a couple weeks ago and since then has been placed on hospice, stopped eating and drinking regularly and scared all of us shitless. I think we have all made peace with it, mostly. At least we have all decided that we are going to help grandma be comfortable and secure in her own home with love and dignity for however long that is, 2-4 wks according to her hospice nurse. Kids are all in full day school come this next Tuesday and I went from “what will I do with myself all dy for 7 hrs?” To scheduling my MIL to get kids off busses and wait for DH to come home at 3pm so I can go be with grandma during the day. Which I am so glad and feel privileged to be able to do. It’s just SAD. I’m sad. But I’m so thankful for all the times I’ve had with her all th memories and all the times lately I’ve got to sing EdelWeiss and Silent Night and Brahams Lullaby in German.
My mom found a nursery near by that specializes in european flowers, these are 10 edelweiss plants :).
Also here’s a picture of BB.
Hope you all have a good first day of school coming up. Here’s to a more stress free school year… lol yeah I know I surprise my self sometimes. Take care y’all.